When Monkeys Attack

Intelligence experts have long warned that apes may be plotting to revolt and displace the human dictatorship of the world. It was after all Curious George who said, "We have nothing to lose but our chains." Well it now seems the opening shots of the monkey/human war have been fired. SS Bajwa, the deputy mayor of New Delhi, was assaulted by a horde of wild monkeys at his home this week. Though rushed to a nearby hospital, the mayor died from his injuries. Protected by Hindu religious sensibilities, authorities have found dealing with the animals a vexing situation. In fact the primate anarchists have repeatedly shown their contempt for human authority, attacking on numerous occasions government offices and temples. This latest incident, however, leads many monkey terrorism experts to speculate that a worldwide ape revolution may be in the offing. It is furthermore feared that "rogue states" may seek to arm the monkey international with nuclear weapons, a move which threatens to undermine the fragile strategy of deterrence that has so far kept monkeys in check. All observers now agree, it would seem, that all policies of monkey appeasement must come to an end.

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