The Science Of Superhero/Supervillain Beat-downs

A new study conducted by the National Council for Scientific and Technical Research in Buenos Aires, Argentina reveals the reason comic book superheroes such as Marvel Comics' Spiderman always prevail over their super-powered adversaries: the supervillains have been marginalized to the fringes of their fictional societies while the superheroes remain well connected within their societal frameworks.

Upon release of the study, presidential candidate John Edwards issued a statement saying, "The marginalization of several Marvel Comic characters has led them into lives of crime. If it were not for the two Americas, one for the ultra-rich such as Iron Man and one for the poor and disenfranchised such as the Absorbing Man, all super-powered beings would be able to find fulfillment and acceptance in our society." Quickly jumping on the band wagon, Hillary Clinton stated at a press junket that "In my vision for a society of shared prosperity, the economic and social causes that force people into a life of super-crime will disappear." When asked about such rich and powerful comic book supervillains such as Doctor Doom who is the absolute monarch of the fictional Eastern European nation of Latveria, Clinton replied that, as President, she would "reach out to the people and government of Latveria in the spirit of rapprochement."

On the Republican side, Fred Thompson released a statement indicating his intentions to announce his intentions to announce his intentions to address the superhero/supervillain social disparity.

When asked whether Marvel Comics has investigated the marginalization of its comic book supervillains, Marvel EIC Joe Quesada replied, "What? Dude, the superheroes win because that's how we write the stories! What the hell are you people smoking? They are fictional characters! FICTIONAL CHARACTERS!!"