The Real Roots of World War III

While the world anguishes over trivial matters like Iran's nuclear recalcitrance, the real issues go floating by unnoticed. Many have wondered if Iran's nuclear ambition and their hatred of Israel will spark a third World War. They're wrong and let me tell you why.

There are now forces mustering on either side of a deeply contentious issue, one that has roiled international politics longer than any paltry reactor fiasco. The conflagration that could ensue because of this problem would be larger and more destructive than any war this planet has ever seen before. What is this issue, you ask? Whaling!! Right now Viking longships are preparing to leave Icelandic harbors in search of hapless, but cute minke whales. The nefarious Nordic raiders have actually been doing this for years now under the guise of "scientific research," but they plan to throw off the charade and begin selling the harvested meat to a high seas empire known throughout the world as the Faroe Islands. This exclusive trade agreement will allow the Faroe Islanders to feed their insatiable bloodlust for whale flesh. Researchers and other scientific types believe that if Faroe Islanders are allowed access to whale flesh again, the blubbery nutrients will mix with their peculiar DNA and allow the Faroe Islanders to become a race of supermen. Opposing this Axis of Blubber clearly bent on conquering the world is an intrepid group of nations including Germany, Brazil and Belgium. The question, of course, is whether these allies can oppose the combined military might of Iceland, the Faroe Islands, and perhaps even Japan?