Scientists Discover Kryptonite in Kansas Wheat Field

Scientists have discovered an extremely rare meteorite in a Kansas wheat field. Some researchers have speculated that the meteor crashed to earth some 10,000 years ago; a conclusion apparently reached without even considering the most obvious and simple explanation - the rock, in fact, is a piece of space debris produced by the explosion of the planet Krypton, followed the same path as the spacecraft which bore the infant Kal-L to the acknowledged location of Superman's hometown, is made of pure Kryptonite, and could be used to kill Superman if it fell into the wrong hands.

The discovery of the meteor has set off a flurry of activity among the world's super-villains. Early reports indicate that Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Kim Jong-il have all dispatched henchman to try and steal the rock from the U.S. President Bush has stated publicly that he will not tolerate a Kyptonite-armed foreign power and has called upon the UN to impose sanctions on any country that acquires Kryptonite. Chavez, for his part, will not be dissuaded. Yesterday before the UN, the Venezuelan firebrand quoted Dr. Phil saying, "Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you."

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