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by You know you have a problem when you have too many monkeys jumping on the bed, but what about in the subway, around the grounds of parliament or in government buildings? That's exactly what people are dealing with in New Dehli, India. Residents have asked the government for protection from the Rhesus Macaques monkeys.
To correct the problem they have hired another monkey to scare the problem monkeys away. Okay, so they didn't hire the monkey, but rather a langur trainer known as a langurwallah. The langur is a more fierce looking monkey and is being used to deter the Rhesus monkeys.
Alternative efforts such as exporting the monkeys to other regions have failed since other governments are unwilling to accept them. They have also tried ultra high frequency loudspeakers that do not seem to work.
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I got attacked by one of the monkeys while I was at the Taj Mahal in Agra, India. They really let animals just run rampant, even in their tourist attractions and holy shrines. Cows have priority on all roads. Pigs and goats eat through the refuse piles (we're talking four to five foot heaps of blackened compost lining roads). Feral dogs scurry about. And the monkeys simply run amok.
At the Taj Mahal, I was crouched down using my zoom lens to take a picture of a monkey with the Taj behind him. Then all of a sudden he vanished from my lens (narrow FOV when zoomed). So I lower the camera and see the little bugger crouched right in front of me, poising to spring from his hind legs and jump on me. I immediately had visions of some crazy monkey disease in India oozing from my bleeding neck (why did I envision a vampiric monkey? I dunno). I stood up, put my arms in the air to "be much bigger" and made a loud noise which scared him away. Perhaps I should add, these aren't little monkeys running around India either - many are the size of small children like this one.
The monkey obviously thought you looked like a mate......you know boy monkey meets girl monkey and all the rest. I'm never going to India. I heard Bubonic plague still exist in India....it was on one of the episode of 'House'.
Dude - plague exists in America. Take a look at your friendly United States prairie dogs.
Awww Dorn it, you mean now I gotta start killing Prairie Dogs too? Where am I going to bury them, I got sick of eating their brain..... Woe is me
Great. This is the beginning of the end for humanity. I see this going one of two ways: either someone gets the bright idea to genetically enhance the monkeys to make them suitable for training as butlers, in which case one of the monkeys will lead a rebellion and pretty soon we'll find ourselves running around in loin cloths being hunted for sport whilst Chuck Heston screams "It's a mad house!! A MAD HOUSE!!!" (I wish you could all hear me do that- I've got it down pat!) Or the monkeys will be turned into poop flinging cyborgs to do the evil bidding of Will's disembodied brain. One thing is for certain, there is no stopping them; the monkey revolution will soon be here, and I, for one, welcome our new monkey overlords.
There is of course, the option of breeding with the monkeys much like our ancestors. Perhaps a new genus of man-ape will be born that will both save humanity and conquer the primates before they perfect the cybernetic poop-flingers.
Umm...as disturbing as that line of thought is, I can see only one monkey/man hybrid happening entirely by accident. This hybrid will forever walk both worlds yet will be at home in neither. The Monkey Man will have all of the strength of the monkeys, but none of their weaknesses...which, I guess would be parasites. He will fight against the monkeys, but will always be fighting the monkey within...
Maybe the man-ape is the genetic answer to the Great Purge. It will be able to fend for itself in the wilds of nature, retain the intelligence of the OmniNerd collective and still have opposable thumbs. Plus there is a cool furry coat which will save money on clothes - and put an end to sweatshops.
Hm mm....humans and monkeys are too different in DNA. The Sperm and Egg will never meet and such. What we need to do is to genetically enhance the sperm. Make super sperm that can impregnate both species. This is a very disturbing thought...let's just eat their brain okay?
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Monkey Problem Solves World Hunger by Eye.Of.Sage :: NR6 :: on 05 August 2006
A more efficient way is to simply turn these 'bad' monkeys into food. This will solve world hunger and the monkey problem. I heard Monkey brains make you smart.
RE: Monkey Problem Solves World Hunger by Liz_Miracle :: NR5 :: on 05 August 2006
Unfortunately the Hindu's see the monkeys as manifestations of the monkey god, Hanuman. So the likely hood of them going Hanibal is well. . . unlikely. It's just unfortunate that the government allows the prevailing religion to pressure them into leaving the city unsafe/unsanitary. Oh wait, what am I saying a religion pressuring a government? That NEVER happens.
RE: Monkey Problem Solves World Hunger by romanizzo :: NR6 :: on 06 August 2006
I'd imagine that shooting them isn't an option, either, considering these are holy monkeys, and that they are just-shy-of-threatened on the conservation lists. But that would be the easiest solution, wouldn't it?
RE: Monkey Problem Solves World Hunger by Eye.Of.Sage :: NR6 :: on 06 August 2006
We're not giving food to the Indians, but we'll give food to other people we needs it and could eat it. let's see....40 percent to Africa, 40 percent to other Asian countries.....we'll sell the rest.
By the way, you guys know I'm kidding right? I don't want some PETA people throwing red paint on me.
Hey Hey We're the Monkeys! by VnutZ :: NR8 :: on 10 November 2006
http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/mpapps/pagetools/print/news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6128210.stm
It looks like your monkeys are still up to no good in New Delhi. The BBC specifically cites them for stealing Top Secret military files this time!
I wonder what the WineBot thinks a monkey tastes like?