Greatest Albums of the Past 20 Years

CNN is reporting that rock periodical Spin Magazine has ranked the 20 Greatest Albums of the Past 20 Years, naming Radiohead’s “OK Computer” as the top album, praising a futuristic sound that manages to feel alive "even when its words are spoken by a robot." (Huh? Thom Yorke’s whiny wail has seldom managed to make me feel “alive”. But whatever.) Such a subjective topic deserves its own treatment from a true musical genius such as myself, one who not only could write circles around those British posers but also hails from the Age of Pure Rock, schooled and raised by such masters such as Edward Van Halen, Neil Schon, and Steve Lukather *tongue in cheek*

Now, regarding Spin's choices...Are you kidding me? The criteria that Spin used are “the basic brilliance of the record, its innovation and its overall relevance”, says editor-in-chief Sia Michael. I would say that Radiohead actually belongs somewhere on the Top 20 list, but Pavement? PJ Harvey? PUBLIC ENEMY?? Prince, for that matter, although a certifiable musical genius, probably shouldn’t even make the cut.

What follows will be henceforth known as the Greatest List of Greatest Songs of the Past 20 Years, unabridged and unchallenged in its correctness and infallibility. And we’re talking Biblical infallibility, Final Word stuff here. Debate it at your own risk, and know that if you disagree you’re probably wrong...Ahem.

In no particular order:

U2 - The Joshua Tree (1987) U2's The Joshua Tree is one of those albums that you can put on over 18 years after it was released and still identify with everything Bono is saying. Before they became overly obsessed with electronic music and before they thought having Johnny Cash sing on one of their songs was a good idea, they had inspiration, which truly comes through on this album. With or Without You is the song most closely associated with this album (rightfully so, it's an incredible tune), but there is so much more to it. Where the Streets Have no Name, Running to Stand Still, Bullet in The Blue Sky, and In God's Country tell stories of poverty, civil unrest, and somehow optimism. Parts of The Joshua Tree still gives me chills to this day.

Top Tracks: In God's Country, With Or Without You, Bullet in the Blue Sky

Toadies - Rubberneck (1994) Whether they know it or not, most alternative rock bands today are influenced by The Toadies. After the Pixies dismantled to start such less-inspired projects like The Breeders and Frank Black and The Catholics, The Toadies picked up the slack with their soft verse/loud chorused attack. Tyler (one of the greatest songs ever, IMO) still receives two or more daily spins on L.A.'s famed K-ROCK. In a time of "pay for play" and other like-minded radio practices, that in itself speaks huge things about this band.

Top Tracks: I Burn, Tyler, Possum Kingdom, Mexican Hairless, I Come From The Water

Pearl Jam - Ten (1991) Better than Nirvana, more classic-rock than Soundgarden, and more skilled than any other Seattle band that came out during the Golden Era of Grunge, Pearl Jam cemented their place in the pantheon of rock with “Ten”. Normally, culturally aware lyrics tend to annoy me (there’s other and better places to whine about Republicans than in my rock music, ok you tree hugging hippies?), but Eddie Vedder’s lyrics seemed to work. His voice was often and poorly duplicated by countless artists during that period, because only with Pearl Jam’s music did it fit, and his socially aware, passionate lyrics took on a relevant tone. Plus, Mike McCready just plays a TIGHT lead guitar…..

Top Tracks: Even Flow, Black, Jeremy, Alive,

U2 - Achtung Baby (1991) I really, REALLY didn’t want to include a duplicate entry on this list, especially not U2, who currently annoy me to no end with their new stuff, but I couldn’t leave this one off the list and still do justice to a Greatest Album List. This is the record they put out after feeling deeply snubbed by fans for their Rattle and Hum record, of which fans accused them of ripping off the Beatles and trying to become the new Fab Four (a distinction Oasis soon deservedly and willingly seized, running headfirst like lemmings over a cliff, as it were). This record was U2 saying, “Take this, love this, and we don’t give a crap whether or not you do either.” This was before the crappy electronica U2, but a more mature and rock sound than Joshua Tree, full of glam and reinvention. And we love them for it.

Top Tracks: Mysterious Ways, One, Zoo Station, The Fly, So Cruel

Guns 'n Roses - Appetite for Destruction (1987) Even though Axl is a megalomaniac now and the rest of the band is rocking out power ballads on Ozzfest with Velvet Revolver, there's no denying the greatness that's Appetite For Destruction. It was punk rock when punk rock was non-existant. It was a different style of metal that was more in your face than the spandex wearing, aqua net supporting rockers of the mid 80's. They had no synchronized kicks or jumps in their shows or videos, they were candid about their drug use, and they kicked serious butt. They had such a "don't give an F" attitude that Axl actually recorded himself um, "fornicating" with a groupie in the studio and put it on the album. To top it off, the band gave her credit as an additional instrumentalist on the liner notes.

Top Tracks: Welcome to the Jungle, Paradise City, Mr. Brownstone, Rocket Queen, Sweet Child O'Mine, It's So Easy.

Weezer – Weezer (Blue Album) (1994) Anybody who knows anything at all about music must include this record on any Greatest Records list. Actually, anybody who knows me personally knows I have to include this one. While Weezer has been recently accused of losing their touch and selling out to pop, they’ve actually never been anything but pop. This is the band responsible for Geek rock, a precise, measured set of catchy hooks and light lyrical genius which countless bands have sought to emulate since, (much to our collective dismay, I might add). During a time when it was cool to sing about despair and decay and disillusionment, Weezer wasn’t afraid to sing about beer, or sweaters, or writing songs in their garage. Also, you have to respect any band that has a lead guitarist that can thrash like Van Halen but instead pretty much keeps it simple and honest. It's just too bad Rivers Cuomo is such a jerk...

Top Tracks: Say It Ain’t So, My Name is Jonas, Undone (Sweater Song), Buddy Holly

Stone Temple Pilots – Purple (1994) I had a struggle with this one. It’s difficult to say the whole record is great, as some songs on it are merely good, but serve to balance out an album which has a couple GREAT songs. Nevertheless, it makes the cut, over “Core”, which doesn’t stand out as much, and “Tiny Music. . .” which just doesn’t rock enough. This album boasts the single greatest radio hard-rock song ever, Interstate Love Song. Coming in at a short 3:14, it still represents all that is good and right about STP’s style. It’s still true rock without the pretentiousness, but with swirling melodies and harmony, delivered by one of the better vocalists of the time. Closely followed by Big Empty, a driving and ominous rocker of an anthem, Interstate Love Song is what made me fall in love with STP. And nobody’s even come close to such a great hard rock song since. Oh, and Scott Weiland has a better voice than Eddie Vedder.

Top Tracks: Interstate Love Song, Vasoline, Pretty Penny, Big Empty, Kitchenware & Candybars

Van Halen – 5150 (1986) You David Lee Roth worshippers are going to hate me for this one, but you can all take a long walk off a short bridge for all I care. I’ll say it once and for all and be done with it: Sammy Hagar is better than DLR. Deal with it. This record was, for all you who can remember, a perfect, seamless transition between the DLR and the Van Hagar eras, and it never sounded better. How many huge superbands can claim to have changed lead singers in at the peak of their career and lived to tell about it, much less actually improved! Old school VH purists argue that the record is too slick, but the quality and technical perfection withstand any reproach. Eddie Van Halen was the best guitarist of his time, maybe all-time (Hendrix isn’t worthy to tune Eddie’s axe) and it was never more evident than on this record.

Top Tracks: 5150, Dreams, Love Comes Walking In, Summer Nights, Get Up, Why Can’t This Be Love?

On the cusp: Pixies - Surfer Rosa (You can blame/thank these guys for alternative rock), Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream (Billy Corgan's gem of an album, not overproduced like Infinite Sadness, and not uninspired like some of their later work), R.E.M. - Automatic For the People (Great toned down album from the Georgia boys. Instead of Shiny Happy People we get gems like Nightswimming, Drive, and Man on The Moon.), Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication (RHCP reunites with John Frusciante and lives to tell stories of drug addiction, lost relationships, and growing up), and Radiohead - OK Computer (I thought this was an odd choice for Spin's #1. Great album, but came out in a very weak year. It was either them or the Spice Girls for that time.)

Edit-I just noticed, no worthwhile records were produced after 1994. So, for all you out there wondering where your Backstreet Boys and Blink 182 are on my List, sleep well tonight knowing that no good music has come around in over 10 years, and that borrowing your sister's Dashboard Confessional CDs so you can blast them in your Chevy Cavalier does not make you cool.