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by With St. Patrick's Day rapidly approaching, the European Union has released a survey with some shocking results - the Irish have a problem with binge drinking. Despite their reputation for temperance, the scandalous EU study insists that 34% of Irish people "usually" binge drink, making them the heaviest drinking population in the Union. Nick Dilmore, OmniNerd's resident Irish correspondent had this to say in response to the clearly fallacious study: "Wha ...what'd you say ... come here, so I can punch you in the mouth ... where am I."
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Those nancy-boy wankers in the EU should be grateful my Irish brethren drink so heavily! For it is written that God created whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world!
Little Known Facts About the Irish
- The original group of Celts that left mainland Europe and landed on the shores of what would be known as Ireland were actually trying to find a Bronze Age version of Denny's after a month-long bender. When they sobered up they realized that #1: Denny's hadn't been invented yet and #2: they were all too hungover to turn around and head for home, so they stayed where they were.
- Irish celts were known to go into battle stark naked, painted blue and sporting erections. What is generally not known is that this tradition started out as an Irish wedding ceremony that went horribly, horribly wrong.
- Paint your own mental picture of that.
- It is a commonly held misconception that Saint Patrick drove out snakes from Ireland. In reality, he drove out all of the sober, stuffy buzz-kills who would settle in parts of England and eventually become Puritans.
- Saint Patrick also invented the keg stand.
- The first English involvement in Ireland took place circa 684 AD, when an English expeditionary force sent by Northumbrian King Ecgfrith invaded Ireland in the summer of that year. The English forces managed to seize a number of captives and booty, but they apparently did not stay in Ireland for long, as English beer muscles are no match for the legendary Irish beer muscles.
- The first recorded Viking raid in Irish history occurred in 795 AD when Vikings from Norway looted the island of Lambay, located off the Dublin coast. It was extremely convenient for the Vikings that the raid just happened to take place the day after St. Patrick's Day.
- A bunch of other stuff happened in Irish history, but nobody really cared until the invention of Guinness in 1759 by Arthur Guinness, the father of modern Irish drunkenness.
Its because of this Arthur Guinness that I was once referred to as Mr. Silly McWillie, in the mountains of New York while pinning bars on me laddie. My family has that beer muscle gene, pasted down now for many generations. I am so proud to have pasted it along to my Irish off-springs. God, Nick write more, you makes us all so proud. Happy Saint Patrick's week-end to all. Do not forget your green!
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I am Irish! by smcbride :: NR6 :: on 16 March 2007
I find this article offensive and political incorrect. I personally don't have a problem with my temper and I surely am not a heavy drinker. If anyone of you S.O.B. disagrees with me, meet me at the St. Patrick's bar and I will whip you a__! Happy St. Patrick's P.S. I know Mr. Nick McDilmore to be a fine gentleman with a mild temper and Mic who doesn't drink much.
RE: I am Irish! by guyvia :: NR5 :: on 16 March 2007
How dare you say such a defamatory thing about the good Mr. Dilmore. In his defense, he has shown that he can be quite the obscene drunk, as well he should be in this season. With the high holiday of us drunks upon us, I expect Mr. Dilmore to do his part, as will we all, to properly debauch as much of the town as possible.
"Now drink with me deeply of the bourbon, scotch, and rye until such time as we are fighting drunk! Then we shall find, and beat the asses of, the nonbelievers who ruined my feast..." -Alvis, who killeth for your sins
Why the stereotypes? by jmarkdavison :: NR6 :: on 16 March 2007
Why did the EU publish such a study? Who is behind this stereotyping- is it a smelly Frenchman? An anal retentive German? A hot-tempered Italian? A Brit with bad teeth? A dumb Pole? If they were smarter, like Asians, they would avoid such stereotyping. They are acting like ignorant Southerners.
RE: Why the stereotypes? by VnutZ :: NR8 :: on 16 March 2007
Why did the EU publish such a study?
Well they had to be doing something since they don't seem to participate anywhere else in world affairs. Don't you feel safer now that EU has done this?
RE: Why the stereotypes? by jmarkdavison :: NR6 :: on 17 March 2007
Well they had to be doing something since they don't seem to participate anywhere else in world affairs. Don't you feel safer now that EU has done this?
Good point- you're so smart. You must be Asian.