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Epic Pet Wars Pwns My Life

I’m the type that always makes fun of people who “waste their time” doing “stupid” things that any “intelligent” person would avoid by doing more meaningful activities instead. Video games, television, etc., have all been labeled by me as a waste of time at some point in my life (despite the fact that at some point in my life I was totally hooked on those things). Well, thanks to Epic Pet Wars, I have to retire that beloved past time and become the target of these types of derogatory comments.

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The character known as “McBridrop,” aka friend code b8rrbe.

The game is so simple. You pick a pet, arm it with weapons, and fight your way to victory. Except that the game never really ends. You just keep playing mindlessly as you really accomplish nothing. So what’s the hook you ask? Why did I suddenly get addicted? One word: iPhone.

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Epic Pet Wars as seen on iPhone

With this game on my iPhone, it has become the ultimate killer of those minutes in life that usually go idle. Walking between meetings at work? EPW. Pit stop in the restroom? EPW. Driving 80 mph down 101 in SF, um, I, uh, concentrate on traffic only (and occasionally check EPW). The problem is that it’s just too easy to play. Fire it up, invest your excess cash, fight someone, or buy the newest stuff. That’s it. It’s not like the super-involved role playing games where you have to scour the land finding things. Nope, this is completely mindless.

Sadly, I have achieved level 76 and my pet grows stronger by the day. I just know that all of this time will one day pay off, right? I mean surely I’m not completely wasting my time, right?

So why am I writing this? I think I’m hoping that most of you will go download it out of curiosity and become just as hooked as I am. Then, as more and more people waste their life too, I slowly move closer to “normal” on the ol’ bell curve. That’s right, my intention is to bring you down with me. So go on, download it already. Or if you don’t have an iPhone you can play the lamer on-line version. Whichever you choose, just don’t forget to friend me. I need 250 people in my posse before I can defeat the elite AeroWeapon boss!

Information This article was edited after publication by the author on 21 Jul 2009. View changes.

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