Restrooms- The Truth Must be Told

So here's what happened one day; something that changed my perception about fairness between sexes and also sent me into an almost terminal brood about our society, and even the purpose of manhood in general. I was at an upscale hotel for a business seminar, and afterwards myself and the other guys were 'tossing back a few' at one of the hotel bars in order to waste away the hours between work and restless hotel sleep. Anyway, when I went to use the men's room (as one is bound to do in such circumstances), there in front of the door was one of those damned yellow 'floor is wet-bathroom-out-of-order-come back later' things blocking my way. Now in this particular instance I really had to go, and as there was a fair walk down the corridor to get back to the bar, (and I was having some doubts about actually making it without causing a building maintenance emergency), I grasped at a drunken straw thought of ducking into the ladies room, hiding in a stall, doing my business and getting back to normalcy with no one being the wiser. "There were not a lot of women at this seminar", I deftly reasoned as I slowly inched the door open, planning to listen for a second and then dash to the nearest stall for all its subsequent anonymous sanctity. What happened instead, or rather what I saw instead brought on feelings and sensations that perhaps paralleled those of El Tovar when he first looked upon the Grand Canyon, or for any of those who have stumbled upon fabled Brigadoon. Yes, everyone, there upon my eyes was a vision of Eden, a picture of the fabled Gardens of Babylon with all the scents and soft sounds you could only imagine would come when thrust (admittedly with dishonor) into what can only be described as a heavenly sensual experience. I gazed upon crystal chandeliers lit with a glowing natural light emanating from the skylight built into the cathedral ceiling above. Doves glided about peacefully in the spacious realms surrounding the light. Flowers sent forth scents and visions of a quality that can only be found in the best of the worlds gardens and, "what the frig—", was that a waterfall over there?!?

So if no one minds the comparison, why do us lowly men rate having only a dropped ceiling, cold fluorescent, urinal-cake smelling pit of a "rest room" and our ladies, who some may say deserve a little more, (but still, this, for God's sake?!); get this vision and almost reality of heaven?

The next morning I woozily waved the whole thing off as a promotional gimmick of the hotel; you know, trying to get more women to stay there or whatever. (I even attributed some of it to the different brand of tequila I has tried that night, but that's another story.) But then the following occurrence tossed me into the pit of inequality blues that I now reside.

It was a few months later and the memories of my experience had faded a little. We were at a local dive pizza joint; again beers and whatnot were imbibed, bathrooms were moving upward on the scale of importance (in my mind) and once again I was on that all-familiar trek towards that fated yellow plastic fake sawhorse thing which stubbornly informed me that my oasis was not immediately forthcoming. Now anyone knows that if you partake in any transgression once, the next time is always easier, and so without any hesitation besides a furtive dart of my head assuring the coast was clear, I entered the ladies room again. "Lo and behold and Holy crap!!", my mind screamed as I realized that once again I had fallen into the same blissful, heavenly atmosphere as I once experienced at the fancy hotel. (At a pizza dive, no less.) I checked my local Walmart restrooms; same thing. I even made a special trip to the dirty old bus station; same thing.

And so, I don't believe unisex public restrooms will ever come to be with this unfair conspiracy gumming up the works. The women will fight us tooth and nail before giving all this up, or ever allowing us into their secret inner sanctums.

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