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Epic Pet Wars Pwns My Life

I’m the type that always makes fun of people who “waste their time” doing “stupid” things that any “intelligent” person would avoid by doing more meaningful activities instead. Video games, television, etc., have all been labeled by me as a waste of time at some point in my life (despite the fact that at some point in my life I was totally hooked on those things). Well, thanks to Epic Pet Wars, I have to retire that beloved past time and become the target of these types of derogatory comments.


The character known as “McBridrop,” aka friend code b8rrbe.

The game is so simple. You pick a pet, arm it with weapons, and fight your way to victory. Except that the game never really ends. You just keep playing mindlessly as you really accomplish nothing. So what’s the hook you ask? Why did I suddenly get addicted? One word: iPhone.


Epic Pet Wars as seen on iPhone

With this game on my iPhone, it has become the ultimate killer of those minutes in life that usually go idle. Walking between meetings at work? EPW. Pit stop in the restroom? EPW. Driving 80 mph down 101 in SF, um, I, uh, concentrate on traffic only (and occasionally check EPW). The problem is that it’s just too easy to play. Fire it up, invest your excess cash, fight someone, or buy the newest stuff. That’s it. It’s not like the super-involved role playing games where you have to scour the land finding things. Nope, this is completely mindless.

Sadly, I have achieved level 76 and my pet grows stronger by the day. I just know that all of this time will one day pay off, right? I mean surely I’m not completely wasting my time, right?

So why am I writing this? I think I’m hoping that most of you will go download it out of curiosity and become just as hooked as I am. Then, as more and more people waste their life too, I slowly move closer to “normal” on the ol’ bell curve. That’s right, my intention is to bring you down with me. So go on, download it already. Or if you don’t have an iPhone you can play the lamer on-line version. Whichever you choose, just don’t forget to friend me. I need 250 people in my posse before I can defeat the elite AeroWeapon boss!

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I hear you; it’s that pernicious" Level Up" psychology that keeps you hooked.
Back in the day’s way before “Pwn” was even remotely part of anyone’s language, I became hooked for a while on an ASCII character dungeons and dragons type game that ran on my college’s Digital VAX11 mainframe. I would say, "I’ll just play for a few minutes; just enough to get 100 more experience points (or something) and then I’ll go back to the library and study. 3 very short hours later…..

I was in bad shape. I actually stooped to having my account automatically run the app when I logged onto the system to save time. I didn’t use it for anything else. Finally, after seeing myself in the mirror with bloodshot eyes and a deathly pale complexion, I quit cold turkey and walked out blinking into the sunlight to never look back on the way I rearranged those bits and bytes so progressively.

So I swore it all off and went on the wagon for last 20 years.

I logged into ‘Epic Pet Wars’ and started playing yesterday just to see what you were talking about. Just for a few minutes—you know, all in the name of research. Now I’m divorced, I lost my job and the Repo men are out in my driveway, but I don’t care! I – MUST – make – Level — 6 – by – tomorrow!

2 Votes  - +
Hmmm by Anonymous

Mark … I … I … don’t think I know you anymore.

2 Votes  - +
Respect Points by bonesaw

Is it possible to really advance in this game without paying real money for respect points? After playing for the better part of the daylight hours yesterday, I am on Level 11 and still haven’t beat the first boss. It certainly is fun but I don’t want to open a FOREX account or order an anti-snoring device.

Side note: what is the advantage of having a big posse? It doesn’t seem to matter in whether or not I defeat someone.

If the above [Starcraft / Diablo] were to be provided on the iPhone. My productivity may very well drop to zero as I grow a long, scruffy beard and sit permanently affixed to a toilet seat leveling up while life passes me by.

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posse by Anonymous

its to get bigger posses whichs lets you get achievements and fight more bosses also it gives you a higher rank

to fight somebody that is easy go to 1 of these links here

http://www.epicpetwars.com/profile/?aid=2227301 (me I am gonna quit for like a week or so to make money)

here are aid numbers (change 2227301 to the number I give you)







all have shatter spike so beware

easy to kill first aid number and my profile number are both easy to kill low health and around 3k hp… fight me or the 1st one at level 10+ even with good enough equips. just in turn for going naked add me!!! krrzeeb!!!!

Hey Mark,

I’m Drew, one of the two developers of Epic Pet Wars and I thought this review of yours was hilarious. Everything you’re saying is pretty much exactly what we’re going for, just a quick pick-up-and-play “MMO” that you can manage during small spurts of downtime.

Although, clearly some hardcore people play it for hours on end.

Send us an e-mail sometime to drew@miraphonic.com and I’ll shoot you some respect points :]

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Yen is the key by Anonymous

If you like the game, it is not a bad idea to spend sone bucks for respect points so the development team can continue it’s great work but it is possible to level up without spending real money.
There is a small epic pet wars strategy guide with 5 important points to follow.

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??? by Anonymous

how can u beat last boss before u become lvl 101 ? give me easy ways to beat him because it seems impossible

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